The psychobabbling food-loving seamstress.

April, Wonderful April…

Posted in fashion, food, general musings, love, nom nom by Ambs on March 31, 2009

So here we are again April my good friend. Filled with a sense of hope, joy, frivolity, and newness that comes with becoming a year older.

Decided it was probably time to start talking about things that weren’t Psych related!

FOOD!

I had a friend say to me that she was surprised at how much I loved food. I think it is my small frame. I don’t really look like your every day food loving type. I don’t believe in quantity(that goes for small quantities as well, I like it JUST right! My guests are to be fed, fed well, and sometimes over-fed. lol), food is all about quality and presentation for me. I love a meal I can admire before eating, like a piece of art. I put effort into even the dullest of meals, except possibly two minute noodles, there isn’t much you can do with dry noodles and a flavour sachet.

I’m apparently what one would call a connoisseur. Although I’m not too sure.

I love a good steak and 3 veg, but I can’t do it all that often, as I crave different flavours.  An amazing Korma or Butter Chicken. My roasts are never plain(this includes roasts of the verbal kind too!), I am slowly perfecting the art of Greek styled roast lamb, with a specialised marinade. If I do a steak, it’s seared with a special coating on the outside, Worcestershire sauce, Dijon Mustard, lemon, etc etc(a good magician never reveals all of her secrets). Chicken is used in anything from a fresh stirfry, to having a lazy night of either moroccan coating with vegies on the side, or if I’m uber lazy fajita’s!

Oh and speaking of sauces, Worcestershire sauce is amazing in sooo many dishes. My fav being in my specialised spag bol.

Also have a mighty addiction to a good Napoli sauce, and I think I finally perfected it while I was living in iHoe. Which is good, as it is easily transferable in many Italian dishes.

As you can tell, I spend days off(if not out) watching cooking shows. Mmmm food. My fav Aussie chef is Tobie Puttock, and I love  Jamie O, but who doesn’t? I’m at odds with Nigella, she can make some really amazing dishes, but at times she makes some utterly bizarre things I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot bargepole.

If not that, reading fashion mags, actually I buy them for the pictures!

I love my sewing endevours, I’ve been finding more and more of late though, that I have been making design changes in many of the general patterns I have.

My taste in clothes is what many would call ‘vintage’, yet I haven’t bought a second hand piece of clothing in a long long time! So I suppose my taste in design and fabric is ‘vintage’, mostly anything that ranges from the 1950s – 1970s, with a little 1920s couture thrown in for good measure. I flair off with a little modern design for comfort, and to fit my body.

Pencil skirts and maxi dresses have been my thing for the last few months, I found some amazing fabric at Clegs, but as it is $79 a m, I think I may just have to wait until a) I have perfected my design, and b) made the redesign of the skirt I have been dreaming about for the past 2 years.  As for the maxi-dresses, I made my first, and I still love it, but then I did a re-design so that I could wear it as a halter neck, and it looks pretty good, one of my favs to say the very least.

I do love an easy 50s rock-n- roll dress as well, my last endevour into that field was inspired by one of the last episodes of S&TC. Where Carrie is wearing the Red Spotted dress in Paris. My one isn’t half as cool, but I have recieved many a compliment when wearing it.

Comfort is most often paramount with my clothes. Although I’ll admit, I’ve made some pieces with the thought of catching attention. Sometimes I pull it off, sometimes not so much. More often than not though, I recieve compliments on what I’m wearing when I least expect it.

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This is my truth, tell me yours….?

Posted in general musings, psychology by Ambs on March 29, 2009

I’ve been thinking about my pre-teens a lot lately.

The period from about grade 4 to year 7, and all the change those years entailed.  I know I changed tremendously after that, my teenage years were fraught with constant changes to try and fit in. Yet I think in my pre-teens I was the closest I ever was to my pure self.

In my pre-teens I developed a strong group of friends who never really defined me, but were there if I needed them. I do remember though, I used to walk away and do my own thing, be by myself a lot. I loved hanging out in the school library(something I would also come to love during the latter part of year 7, and part of year 8, until I discovered the cute boy in the year above me! Although winter chess was awesome.), I would go for walks out along the oval, through the middle of the school, I would just walk and think. I was happy doing that, until I became bored, and would go back to the girls.  I think the only thing that frustrated me is when I missed out on things, and I didn’t understand if something new was going on, feeling a little on the outer, rather than inner. I’ve always loved to be in the thick of things, while also keeping a distance. Again my ego working at odds with what my brain really wants. My ego needs to be stroked, but my brain likes to keep it mysterious. As soon as it’s getting the attention it desires, my brain lets its guard down, and goes “whoomp, here have some baggage”.

I do this with my family sometimes too, there is a 9 year difference between my sister and I, an 8 year difference between my oldest brother and I, and a 4 year difference between my second oldest brother and I.  I adore my siblings, they’ve all taught me some interesting lessons, been there for me when they could, or yelled at me when I’ve needed a good yelling at.  Ever since I was knee high, I’ve always wanted to be doing what they were doing, kinda like my version of keeping up with the Joneses.  The night in 1988 when Haley’s Comet passed through the earths atmosphere, we had a whole heap of family friends at our house, I wanted to play monopoly with everyone, but as I was 5/6 years old, I was deemed to young and that I wouldn’t understand. I got frustrated and cried I think, I still do it when we have dis-agreements.  Ever since then, I have always tried to keep up with them, so inbetween grade 4 and year 7, there were some defining moments that I honestly have come around full circle and explain who I am today.  When I was in grade 5 and 6 I somehow convinced my family to let me stay up and watch The Late Show with them, and Red Dwarf, or The Young Ones, depended on what they were playing at the time. I think this was one of my first official forays into a love of pop-culture, and also an interesting way of dealing with what was going on in the world at the time, as I was waking up to “smell the roses” so to speak.  I think I identified most with the random melbourne pop-culture references. International pop-culture refs really, and their sketches were simple, anyone could understand what they were trying to convey.  I laughed a lot, and at the same things my family were, t’was easy to relate, and I understood what they were talking about.

Reading over this has already made me see I’ve spent far too much time in my life trying to impress people.  As opposed to making myself happy. As I’ve always been very scared of the negative consequenses that may end up being part of my existence.  When every time I’ve fallen and people have asked why I give up so easily, my answer has always been that I didn’t like it, that it wasn’t me.  It may seem like a weak answer, but it is the truth.

I’ve spent years telling myself that I was being true to myself, when I haven’t been.  I’ve only ever listened to what I wanted a few times in my life, one was when I fell in love with TLE and music, there were some “got to be cool” moments there, but that was mostly me, comedy is also one of thsoe moments(I don’t go to shows to be cool, I’m there because I want to see someone usually), and with psych, as it provides so many explanations to me about life.

So in the words of Manic Street Preachers; This is my tuth, tell me yours?

Towards the end of this year I’m going overseas, and early next year I will move to my own place and start uni.

Overseas trip: Estonia -> Latvia -> Lithuania ->Europe(Paris, Rome, Florence, Venice, etc etc etc) -> Scotland -> England -> New York City -> Boston -> Washington DC -> New Orleans -> Nashville -> Memphis -> Texas -> Las Vegas -> San Francisco -> LA -> Hawaii -> Home…

Uni will be a Bach of Science majoring in Psychology.

Self-analysis…

Posted in general musings, psychology by Ambs on March 28, 2009

Here’s a self-analysis I posted on FB about a week ago. I read this to my psych, and she loved it. I’ve re-read it about 10 – 20 times this week.

Depression, Anxiety, and hypersensitivity to rejection…
A rather scary combination, and lethal in a social context.

The hypersensitivity to rejection explains my negativity in many social instances. When there is nothing to worry about. Those thoughts of inadequacy are not what is actually happening in the moment, but from roots I’d rather not air.
Always put on show within a veil of alcohol. Thinking it was masking, while it was just embellishing what was already there.

Anxiety lying in the roots of inadequacy.

Then the inevitable depression follows.

I love being able to look at things this way. I understand, breaking the habits that are an undeniable part of the cycle, that’s the next step.

Step 1. Breaking down the thoughts, deciphering their context and learning that they don’t and will not define me anymore. This is always going to be a hard step, because with this comes an acceptance of what I do in certain social situations, and what I have done to others. It’s a hard thing to look at, terrifying in some instances. Accepting that I actually did some REALLY stupid things, and believing that I was smart(the inability to move fluidly, and adapt to change is part of that!). A smart person would not have done some of the things I did. But learning now, rather than regretting life choices when I’m older, I’d rather that.

Step 2. Letting myself be nervous in anxiety filled situations. I will shake, I will stammer, I will say some really dumb things. Also not turning to alcohol to quell the anxiety, just sitting with it, NOT letting it rule the situation. Not letting thoughts run away with a look, touch, smile, or whatever, they are just what they are, social interactions. But then again, be open to things that are out there. Stop my one-tracked-mind(there is only a certain amount of times you can listen to the broken record, going over the same groove, time and time again, before you want to turf it), be open to the various highways on life’s road.

Step 3. Learning to deal with rejection on a day-to-day basis, and to stop avoiding it, so that when it happens, I don’t want to curl up into a little ball and hide. Learn to reassess the situation, and look at the alternatives. Learn from my mistakes. Actually be able to identify what I did, and why it was adverse to the situation. Learning to live with Shades of Grey, not everyone will like me, but it also doesn’t mean that everyone hates me.

Step 4. Living with my decisions and not blaming them on others. Not being afraid, or thinking that another persons thoughts on my beliefs and values should have any affect on how I feel about them or change them. These are my core, what I hold true in my heart and mind. They are what make me me, and make me tick in my own way. Not let the negative thoughts get in the way of these core beliefs and values. Remember them, stick to them, live them, and it will help with my contentment.

Just a side note, these may not happen in that order, but will happen over time.

There is a lot to work through, and boy is it going to be fun to write about. Might even use some of it in my stand-up one day….

A rather scary combination, and lethal in a social context.

The hypersensitivity to rejection explains my negativity in many social instances. When there is nothing to worry about. Those thoughts of inadequacy are not what is actually happening in the moment, but from roots I’d rather not air.
Always put on show within a veil of alcohol. Thinking it was masking, while it was just embellishing what was already there.

Anxiety lying in the roots of inadequacy.

Then the inevitable depression follows.

I love being able to look at things this way. I understand, breaking the habits that are an undeniable part of the cycle, that’s the next step.

Step 1. Breaking down the thoughts, deciphering their context and learning that they don’t and will not define me anymore. This is always going to be a hard step, because with this comes an acceptance of what I do in certain social situations, and what I have done to others. It’s a hard thing to look at, terrifying in some instances. Accepting that I actually did some REALLY stupid things, and believing that I was smart(the inability to move fluidly, and adapt to change is part of that!). A smart person would not have done some of the things I did. But learning now, rather than regretting life choices when I’m older, I’d rather that.

Step 2. Letting myself be nervous in anxiety filled situations. I will shake, I will stammer, I will say some really dumb things. Also not turning to alcohol to quell the anxiety, just sitting with it, NOT letting it rule the situation. Not letting thoughts run away with a look, touch, smile, or whatever, they are just what they are, social interactions. But then again, be open to things that are out there. Stop my one-tracked-mind(there is only a certain amount of times you can listen to the broken record, going over the same groove, time and time again, before you want to turf it), be open to the various highways on life’s road.

Step 3. Learning to deal with rejection on a day-to-day basis, and to stop avoiding it, so that when it happens, I don’t want to curl up into a little ball and hide. Learn to reassess the situation, and look at the alternatives. Learn from my mistakes. Actually be able to identify what I did, and why it was adverse to the situation. Learning to live with Shades of Grey, not everyone will like me, but it also doesn’t mean that everyone hates me.

Step 4. Living with my decisions and not blaming them on others. Not being afraid, or thinking that another persons thoughts on my beliefs and values should have any affect on how I feel about them or change them. These are my core, what I hold true in my heart and mind. They are what make me me, and make me tick in my own way. Not let the negative thoughts get in the way of these core beliefs and values. Remember them, stick to them, live them, and it will help with my contentment.

Just a side note, these may not happen in that order, but will happen over time.

There is a lot to work through, and boy is it going to be fun to write about. Might even use some of it in my stand-up one day….

The Psychobabbling muse – herein she starts…

Posted in comedy, food, music, nom nom, psychology by Ambs on March 28, 2009

Psych pushes me to think outside of my square, it pushes me to think in general, and I can study so many different facets of the world that intriuge and scare me, and understand them through the eye’s of the mind.

If I’m afraid of something, I seek knowledge to understand it.

I hate reading newspapers or watching the news. I hate reading headlines, and even moreso I hate reading over-sensationalised peices of faff from people who have only studied the piece of information they are reporting on for about 48 hours. Not really down with over-sensationalised reporting in general.

I find places like Twitter and Facebook amusing and interesting. I like the fact that we can recieve real up-to-date, moment by moment, from the ground reporting with this technology.

I’ve met a lot of people over time that I never thought I would learn from, but have taught me some of the most amazing things.

I love to learn about culture, I dislike reading about it, but I love to listen to people speak about their culture, how they live in it, and why they live the way they do. I love to learn, and I find talking to and learning from others is the best way to do it. I love to sit and listening to people speak, one of the reasons I enjoy comedy I suppose. I love to watch people tell stories, to be able to make fun of ridiculous situations.

If I can’t get my head around something I ask questions. I question everything. I question peoples reasoning for doing certain things, and they don’t like it, but I’ll keep on questioning. My enquiring mind does not stop.

I’m used to being ignored, but I don’t deal with it very well.
My brain works at odds with itself at times, I really want your attention, but once I get it, sometimes I don’t know what to do with it. Those negative thoughts fill my mind, and I used to listen to them, as I thought they defined who I was. Now I shall sit with them, and let them be there, but also counter-act them with the sensible side of my brain.

A few articles that will pop up over the next few days…
-Psychological revelations about who I am at this particular point in time, what is changing in my world, and how I am dealing with the changes. An on-going body of work, making me feel all Freudian, maybe it’ll help someone else someday.
– Growing up and leaning about the world, what I thought was slow, but was actually earlier than I realised. Remembering my tweens(back then we were just kids, and we still are) and how that part of my life really shaped who I am today.
– Music, music, music, and more music.
– Laws of attraction, realising why I always like the “bad boys”, and why the nice guys always get lost in the crowd.
– Comedians, why I love them, why laughter is one of the best forms of medicine, who my comedic heroes are, and why.
– Why a well written piece of prose, can be amazing on paper, but when translated to a spoken submission, all the laughs get lost.