The psychobabbling food-loving seamstress.

A Complex Contradiction in terms…

Posted in crush, general musings, love, psychology, relationships, sex, writing by Ambs on January 1, 2011

“If she were only ordinary” – L.B.B Jeffries

This line from Rear Window bugs me oh so much.  It’s bought up the whore/madonna thing in my head again…

In Freudian psychoanalysis, this complex apparently only exists in men who have been bought up by cold/distant mothers.  This means the women they are in real relationships they love, but have problems being intimate with said person.  They feel comfortable being sexual with girls they see as “dirty”, and will not allow for loving feelings in these relationships.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the past year, and I know I contribute to the way men treat me, the way I talk to some of them, etc… As soon as intellectual conversation comes to the table some/most men switch off (the last one didn’t, and maybe that freaked me out a little too.  That and the rule of “intellectual conversation after sex”, but that put me in a tight spot too, as it put pressure on when I decided I was comfortable enough to sleep with him.  So really I couldn’t win! …and I wouldn’t conclude him as being an arse for doing that, obviously he was just try to speed up the process. I’m just too smart to let it get in the way of what I wanted.).  Then in relative terms any men I’ve been intellectually involved with get all weirded out as soon as any intimacy becomes involved.  Can’t win, I am either The Madonna or The Whore.

Could someone please tell me if men AT ALL have the capability to see a woman as a person who they can have amazing conversations with, and also have great sex with too?  I do know of one example, Geoffrey Robertson and Kathy Lette, there’s a couple I could imagine have a healthy intellectual and sexual relationship.
Then again, I can’t talk, I’ve only seen that in one man in my whole life… Oh wait maybe two or three, but I don’t count anyone I liked before the age of 25.

This has also bought up one of my other favourite parts of a movie:
Harry: He wants her to leave. That’s why he puts her on the plane.
Sally: I don’t think she wants to stay.
Harry: Of course she wants to stay. Wouldn’t you rather be with Humphrey Bogart than the other guy?
Sally: I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in Casablanca married to a man who runs a bar. That probably sounds very snobbish to you, but I don’t.
Harry: You’d rather be in a passionless marriage –
Sally: – and be the First Lady of Czechoslovakia –
Harry: – than live with the man… you’ve had the greatest sex of your life with, just because he owns a bar and that is all he does.
Sally: Yes, and so would any woman in her right mind. Women are very practical. Even Ingrid Bergman, which is why she gets on the plane at the end of the movie.

This is the other thing, boys talk about passion all the time, about how much they want it, but then they go off with the safe girls!? WTF? I don’t get it.
They talk of wanting strong independent women, then they shack up with chicks who suffocate their lives, while the rest of us live life in the single zone… *cue music* dodedodo dodedodo

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