The psychobabbling food-loving seamstress.

I should blog more often I know…

Posted in comedy, fashion, general musings, giggles, music by Ambs on August 19, 2009

Yeah, yeah I should blog more often.

I had something to blog about the other day, but I’ve completely forgotten what it was about.

May have been Myanmar, my shows, wanting to rip off Zimmerman & Sass & Bide, my dislike of Alannah Hill’s design (no form, no feed, and clashing together as many different textures and colours as you can into one outfit doesn’t make you cutting edge.), the tremendous help I’ve had from lecturers at my work on my show, the fact that things are pretty good.
I always wonder when things are going to go to shit in periods like this. “When will the world slap me upside the head?” I ponder…

I got my reading mojo back, it started with Harry Potter, then a little Shakespeare, now P&P, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s nest, and Breakfast at Tiff’s. It’s nice to have it back, as I think next year I’ll have my head back in the books.

The show is really starting to write itself, which is such a fantastic feeling, its flowing, and these scripts are blowing me away.
While they’re all running on the same premise, the strength of every show always lies in a different area, which is what I wanted. They had to be strong in different parts, I want people to come to at least one or two of the weeks wondering how we’ll challenge the improvisors, and also not knowing what to expect.

I’m going to go back to my original solo-show idea, I made the newer version of the show too complicated for the moment.

Things at the moment are going well, which is nice. Doesn’t take much for my nerves to kick in though.

Oh and work is busy, and even days like today, when I kept getting errors when running reports, I still enjoy it. I really like my job, and really love what I do. I also really believe in the course, partially because I want to do it, and combine it with an LLM at NYU.
Bah, have to get through Arts/Psych first!

Just feels like everythings going really well, and it was me that made it go well. My life turned around, not miraculously, not because someone took pity on me, but because I worked to turn it around.

April, Wonderful April…

Posted in fashion, food, general musings, love, nom nom by Ambs on March 31, 2009

So here we are again April my good friend. Filled with a sense of hope, joy, frivolity, and newness that comes with becoming a year older.

Decided it was probably time to start talking about things that weren’t Psych related!

FOOD!

I had a friend say to me that she was surprised at how much I loved food. I think it is my small frame. I don’t really look like your every day food loving type. I don’t believe in quantity(that goes for small quantities as well, I like it JUST right! My guests are to be fed, fed well, and sometimes over-fed. lol), food is all about quality and presentation for me. I love a meal I can admire before eating, like a piece of art. I put effort into even the dullest of meals, except possibly two minute noodles, there isn’t much you can do with dry noodles and a flavour sachet.

I’m apparently what one would call a connoisseur. Although I’m not too sure.

I love a good steak and 3 veg, but I can’t do it all that often, as I crave different flavours.  An amazing Korma or Butter Chicken. My roasts are never plain(this includes roasts of the verbal kind too!), I am slowly perfecting the art of Greek styled roast lamb, with a specialised marinade. If I do a steak, it’s seared with a special coating on the outside, Worcestershire sauce, Dijon Mustard, lemon, etc etc(a good magician never reveals all of her secrets). Chicken is used in anything from a fresh stirfry, to having a lazy night of either moroccan coating with vegies on the side, or if I’m uber lazy fajita’s!

Oh and speaking of sauces, Worcestershire sauce is amazing in sooo many dishes. My fav being in my specialised spag bol.

Also have a mighty addiction to a good Napoli sauce, and I think I finally perfected it while I was living in iHoe. Which is good, as it is easily transferable in many Italian dishes.

As you can tell, I spend days off(if not out) watching cooking shows. Mmmm food. My fav Aussie chef is Tobie Puttock, and I love  Jamie O, but who doesn’t? I’m at odds with Nigella, she can make some really amazing dishes, but at times she makes some utterly bizarre things I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot bargepole.

If not that, reading fashion mags, actually I buy them for the pictures!

I love my sewing endevours, I’ve been finding more and more of late though, that I have been making design changes in many of the general patterns I have.

My taste in clothes is what many would call ‘vintage’, yet I haven’t bought a second hand piece of clothing in a long long time! So I suppose my taste in design and fabric is ‘vintage’, mostly anything that ranges from the 1950s – 1970s, with a little 1920s couture thrown in for good measure. I flair off with a little modern design for comfort, and to fit my body.

Pencil skirts and maxi dresses have been my thing for the last few months, I found some amazing fabric at Clegs, but as it is $79 a m, I think I may just have to wait until a) I have perfected my design, and b) made the redesign of the skirt I have been dreaming about for the past 2 years.  As for the maxi-dresses, I made my first, and I still love it, but then I did a re-design so that I could wear it as a halter neck, and it looks pretty good, one of my favs to say the very least.

I do love an easy 50s rock-n- roll dress as well, my last endevour into that field was inspired by one of the last episodes of S&TC. Where Carrie is wearing the Red Spotted dress in Paris. My one isn’t half as cool, but I have recieved many a compliment when wearing it.

Comfort is most often paramount with my clothes. Although I’ll admit, I’ve made some pieces with the thought of catching attention. Sometimes I pull it off, sometimes not so much. More often than not though, I recieve compliments on what I’m wearing when I least expect it.

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Self-analysis…

Posted in general musings, psychology by Ambs on March 28, 2009

Here’s a self-analysis I posted on FB about a week ago. I read this to my psych, and she loved it. I’ve re-read it about 10 – 20 times this week.

Depression, Anxiety, and hypersensitivity to rejection…
A rather scary combination, and lethal in a social context.

The hypersensitivity to rejection explains my negativity in many social instances. When there is nothing to worry about. Those thoughts of inadequacy are not what is actually happening in the moment, but from roots I’d rather not air.
Always put on show within a veil of alcohol. Thinking it was masking, while it was just embellishing what was already there.

Anxiety lying in the roots of inadequacy.

Then the inevitable depression follows.

I love being able to look at things this way. I understand, breaking the habits that are an undeniable part of the cycle, that’s the next step.

Step 1. Breaking down the thoughts, deciphering their context and learning that they don’t and will not define me anymore. This is always going to be a hard step, because with this comes an acceptance of what I do in certain social situations, and what I have done to others. It’s a hard thing to look at, terrifying in some instances. Accepting that I actually did some REALLY stupid things, and believing that I was smart(the inability to move fluidly, and adapt to change is part of that!). A smart person would not have done some of the things I did. But learning now, rather than regretting life choices when I’m older, I’d rather that.

Step 2. Letting myself be nervous in anxiety filled situations. I will shake, I will stammer, I will say some really dumb things. Also not turning to alcohol to quell the anxiety, just sitting with it, NOT letting it rule the situation. Not letting thoughts run away with a look, touch, smile, or whatever, they are just what they are, social interactions. But then again, be open to things that are out there. Stop my one-tracked-mind(there is only a certain amount of times you can listen to the broken record, going over the same groove, time and time again, before you want to turf it), be open to the various highways on life’s road.

Step 3. Learning to deal with rejection on a day-to-day basis, and to stop avoiding it, so that when it happens, I don’t want to curl up into a little ball and hide. Learn to reassess the situation, and look at the alternatives. Learn from my mistakes. Actually be able to identify what I did, and why it was adverse to the situation. Learning to live with Shades of Grey, not everyone will like me, but it also doesn’t mean that everyone hates me.

Step 4. Living with my decisions and not blaming them on others. Not being afraid, or thinking that another persons thoughts on my beliefs and values should have any affect on how I feel about them or change them. These are my core, what I hold true in my heart and mind. They are what make me me, and make me tick in my own way. Not let the negative thoughts get in the way of these core beliefs and values. Remember them, stick to them, live them, and it will help with my contentment.

Just a side note, these may not happen in that order, but will happen over time.

There is a lot to work through, and boy is it going to be fun to write about. Might even use some of it in my stand-up one day….

A rather scary combination, and lethal in a social context.

The hypersensitivity to rejection explains my negativity in many social instances. When there is nothing to worry about. Those thoughts of inadequacy are not what is actually happening in the moment, but from roots I’d rather not air.
Always put on show within a veil of alcohol. Thinking it was masking, while it was just embellishing what was already there.

Anxiety lying in the roots of inadequacy.

Then the inevitable depression follows.

I love being able to look at things this way. I understand, breaking the habits that are an undeniable part of the cycle, that’s the next step.

Step 1. Breaking down the thoughts, deciphering their context and learning that they don’t and will not define me anymore. This is always going to be a hard step, because with this comes an acceptance of what I do in certain social situations, and what I have done to others. It’s a hard thing to look at, terrifying in some instances. Accepting that I actually did some REALLY stupid things, and believing that I was smart(the inability to move fluidly, and adapt to change is part of that!). A smart person would not have done some of the things I did. But learning now, rather than regretting life choices when I’m older, I’d rather that.

Step 2. Letting myself be nervous in anxiety filled situations. I will shake, I will stammer, I will say some really dumb things. Also not turning to alcohol to quell the anxiety, just sitting with it, NOT letting it rule the situation. Not letting thoughts run away with a look, touch, smile, or whatever, they are just what they are, social interactions. But then again, be open to things that are out there. Stop my one-tracked-mind(there is only a certain amount of times you can listen to the broken record, going over the same groove, time and time again, before you want to turf it), be open to the various highways on life’s road.

Step 3. Learning to deal with rejection on a day-to-day basis, and to stop avoiding it, so that when it happens, I don’t want to curl up into a little ball and hide. Learn to reassess the situation, and look at the alternatives. Learn from my mistakes. Actually be able to identify what I did, and why it was adverse to the situation. Learning to live with Shades of Grey, not everyone will like me, but it also doesn’t mean that everyone hates me.

Step 4. Living with my decisions and not blaming them on others. Not being afraid, or thinking that another persons thoughts on my beliefs and values should have any affect on how I feel about them or change them. These are my core, what I hold true in my heart and mind. They are what make me me, and make me tick in my own way. Not let the negative thoughts get in the way of these core beliefs and values. Remember them, stick to them, live them, and it will help with my contentment.

Just a side note, these may not happen in that order, but will happen over time.

There is a lot to work through, and boy is it going to be fun to write about. Might even use some of it in my stand-up one day….

The Psychobabbling muse – herein she starts…

Posted in comedy, food, music, nom nom, psychology by Ambs on March 28, 2009

Psych pushes me to think outside of my square, it pushes me to think in general, and I can study so many different facets of the world that intriuge and scare me, and understand them through the eye’s of the mind.

If I’m afraid of something, I seek knowledge to understand it.

I hate reading newspapers or watching the news. I hate reading headlines, and even moreso I hate reading over-sensationalised peices of faff from people who have only studied the piece of information they are reporting on for about 48 hours. Not really down with over-sensationalised reporting in general.

I find places like Twitter and Facebook amusing and interesting. I like the fact that we can recieve real up-to-date, moment by moment, from the ground reporting with this technology.

I’ve met a lot of people over time that I never thought I would learn from, but have taught me some of the most amazing things.

I love to learn about culture, I dislike reading about it, but I love to listen to people speak about their culture, how they live in it, and why they live the way they do. I love to learn, and I find talking to and learning from others is the best way to do it. I love to sit and listening to people speak, one of the reasons I enjoy comedy I suppose. I love to watch people tell stories, to be able to make fun of ridiculous situations.

If I can’t get my head around something I ask questions. I question everything. I question peoples reasoning for doing certain things, and they don’t like it, but I’ll keep on questioning. My enquiring mind does not stop.

I’m used to being ignored, but I don’t deal with it very well.
My brain works at odds with itself at times, I really want your attention, but once I get it, sometimes I don’t know what to do with it. Those negative thoughts fill my mind, and I used to listen to them, as I thought they defined who I was. Now I shall sit with them, and let them be there, but also counter-act them with the sensible side of my brain.

A few articles that will pop up over the next few days…
-Psychological revelations about who I am at this particular point in time, what is changing in my world, and how I am dealing with the changes. An on-going body of work, making me feel all Freudian, maybe it’ll help someone else someday.
– Growing up and leaning about the world, what I thought was slow, but was actually earlier than I realised. Remembering my tweens(back then we were just kids, and we still are) and how that part of my life really shaped who I am today.
– Music, music, music, and more music.
– Laws of attraction, realising why I always like the “bad boys”, and why the nice guys always get lost in the crowd.
– Comedians, why I love them, why laughter is one of the best forms of medicine, who my comedic heroes are, and why.
– Why a well written piece of prose, can be amazing on paper, but when translated to a spoken submission, all the laughs get lost.