The psychobabbling food-loving seamstress.

A Complex Contradiction in terms…

Posted in crush, general musings, love, psychology, relationships, sex, writing by Ambs on January 1, 2011

“If she were only ordinary” – L.B.B Jeffries

This line from Rear Window bugs me oh so much.  It’s bought up the whore/madonna thing in my head again…

In Freudian psychoanalysis, this complex apparently only exists in men who have been bought up by cold/distant mothers.  This means the women they are in real relationships they love, but have problems being intimate with said person.  They feel comfortable being sexual with girls they see as “dirty”, and will not allow for loving feelings in these relationships.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the past year, and I know I contribute to the way men treat me, the way I talk to some of them, etc… As soon as intellectual conversation comes to the table some/most men switch off (the last one didn’t, and maybe that freaked me out a little too.  That and the rule of “intellectual conversation after sex”, but that put me in a tight spot too, as it put pressure on when I decided I was comfortable enough to sleep with him.  So really I couldn’t win! …and I wouldn’t conclude him as being an arse for doing that, obviously he was just try to speed up the process. I’m just too smart to let it get in the way of what I wanted.).  Then in relative terms any men I’ve been intellectually involved with get all weirded out as soon as any intimacy becomes involved.  Can’t win, I am either The Madonna or The Whore.

Could someone please tell me if men AT ALL have the capability to see a woman as a person who they can have amazing conversations with, and also have great sex with too?  I do know of one example, Geoffrey Robertson and Kathy Lette, there’s a couple I could imagine have a healthy intellectual and sexual relationship.
Then again, I can’t talk, I’ve only seen that in one man in my whole life… Oh wait maybe two or three, but I don’t count anyone I liked before the age of 25.

This has also bought up one of my other favourite parts of a movie:
Harry: He wants her to leave. That’s why he puts her on the plane.
Sally: I don’t think she wants to stay.
Harry: Of course she wants to stay. Wouldn’t you rather be with Humphrey Bogart than the other guy?
Sally: I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in Casablanca married to a man who runs a bar. That probably sounds very snobbish to you, but I don’t.
Harry: You’d rather be in a passionless marriage –
Sally: – and be the First Lady of Czechoslovakia –
Harry: – than live with the man… you’ve had the greatest sex of your life with, just because he owns a bar and that is all he does.
Sally: Yes, and so would any woman in her right mind. Women are very practical. Even Ingrid Bergman, which is why she gets on the plane at the end of the movie.

This is the other thing, boys talk about passion all the time, about how much they want it, but then they go off with the safe girls!? WTF? I don’t get it.
They talk of wanting strong independent women, then they shack up with chicks who suffocate their lives, while the rest of us live life in the single zone… *cue music* dodedodo dodedodo

Where are all the good men dead? In the Heart or in the Head?

Posted in relationships, sex by Ambs on November 14, 2010

Yes, I’m quoting Grosse Pointe Blank…

My answer? Neither…

I’ve been mused by one Miss Courteney Hocking and her article on The Age website today…
Actually I’ve been mused by her, and quite a few other people who seem to be weighing in on the debate into women’s sexuality of late, and I’m finding that people are forgetting one really important thing… What about the good guys?

If there is something I’ve learnt in the last 6 months, it’s that while a large proportion of the male population are and can be misogynistic idiots, that we have completely over looked the other amazing part of the male population.  Who might also like sex, but bless them, aren’t willing to be chauvinist pigs to get it.
They would never put you in a position that you would be uncomfortable with, they would never do anything to purposely hurt you, and most of all, know what the word no means.

To these men I say Thank You.  For making us feel safe, protected, and helping us realise we can be in control of our own sexual desires and destiny.  Thank you for  understanding what the word no means.  Thank you for not making us feel like objects for your desires, but as human beings with our own.  Thank you for not making us feel like whores, because *shock horror* we like (and in some cases LOVE) sex.  Thank you for making us not feel dirty because we like to get our rocks off and have healthy sex lives without fuss.  Most of all, Thank you for giving us the chance to open up and explore parts of our egos we are not usually in tune with.