The psychobabbling food-loving seamstress.

Motivations… past, present, and future….

Posted in Uncategorized by Ambs on October 20, 2009

As I’ve become more entrenched in loving my job, and feeling so incredibly lucky to have all the people I do around me (in the immediate and distant vicinity!).  I’ve been thinking about my motivations, from when I was younger (always scrambling to keep up with my brother’s and sister), to my teenage years (boys boys boys, it was all about boys), my early 20s (music biz, and to a lesser(shuddup!) extent boys), and now (confusion central).

When I was young, as I’ve said before and I still believe resonates,  it was about keeping up with my siblings.  If they could do something, I wanted to be able to as well.  Trust me, it was a long 5 years once I realised while my sister got up to when she went out!  I was in the midst of realising boys existed, so my sisters sordid accounts of going to gigs to see bands planted a fair few seeds.

My teenage years were devoted to the following:  Finn McCurry (year 7), Luke Fogarty (year 8 – year 11, I gave up choir to play basketball and get an eye full most lunch times), Matt Vistarini (on and off from year 8 – year 12), I’ll stop there, I’ve incriminated myself enough.
Also found I had a knack for psychology, it always made sense to me, it explained more than it asked.
But music prevailed…

My early twenties in which I claimed were all about the music, partially were, but I couldn’t resist chasing after a cute muso.  As there are too many to list, I’ll leave that there.
I loved everything that encompassed the music biz, except the bureaucracy, bullshit and fakeness.  Unfortunately those three attributes were what the music biz has and will always be about.
I do still love music, and I salute those who have been able to work their way through the muck and turds to surface, and be able to make something of themselves.

My mid-twenties were a lot about depression and anxiety, which I am still trying to overcome, but every day it gets better.  Need to try and look at things in a different way.

Now, well I’m 27, and trying to get into Arts majoring in Psychology, so I can go and do the JD at Melbourne Uni (as long as my favourite lecturers are still around of course).  I’ve been thinking a lot about my motivations for wanting to do this though.  I know that when I read “Crimes Against Humanity” (AKA My first International Criminal Law Book), I get angry, but not anxious.  Which is strange, as I have lived in fear of most of the things this book talks about, but it is making me less fearful.  Giving me an understanding, and while it annoys me that people just bypass any international laws and get away with it, that sometimes they don’t and the world won’t let them.  It also instills the value that the world needs people to uphold those laws, and believe that they can be upheld.  I know I’ve lost hope a fair few times over the last 10 years.

Oh well, lets see how this goes for size…