A Complex Contradiction in terms…

“If she were only ordinary” – L.B.B Jeffries

This line from Rear Window bugs me oh so much.  It’s bought up the whore/madonna thing in my head again…

In Freudian psychoanalysis, this complex apparently only exists in men who have been bought up by cold/distant mothers.  This means the women they are in real relationships they love, but have problems being intimate with said person.  They feel comfortable being sexual with girls they see as “dirty”, and will not allow for loving feelings in these relationships.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the past year, and I know I contribute to the way men treat me, the way I talk to some of them, etc… As soon as intellectual conversation comes to the table some/most men switch off (the last one didn’t, and maybe that freaked me out a little too.  That and the rule of “intellectual conversation after sex”, but that put me in a tight spot too, as it put pressure on when I decided I was comfortable enough to sleep with him.  So really I couldn’t win! …and I wouldn’t conclude him as being an arse for doing that, obviously he was just try to speed up the process. I’m just too smart to let it get in the way of what I wanted.).  Then in relative terms any men I’ve been intellectually involved with get all weirded out as soon as any intimacy becomes involved.  Can’t win, I am either The Madonna or The Whore.

Could someone please tell me if men AT ALL have the capability to see a woman as a person who they can have amazing conversations with, and also have great sex with too?  I do know of one example, Geoffrey Robertson and Kathy Lette, there’s a couple I could imagine have a healthy intellectual and sexual relationship.
Then again, I can’t talk, I’ve only seen that in one man in my whole life… Oh wait maybe two or three, but I don’t count anyone I liked before the age of 25.

This has also bought up one of my other favourite parts of a movie:
Harry: He wants her to leave. That’s why he puts her on the plane.
Sally: I don’t think she wants to stay.
Harry: Of course she wants to stay. Wouldn’t you rather be with Humphrey Bogart than the other guy?
Sally: I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in Casablanca married to a man who runs a bar. That probably sounds very snobbish to you, but I don’t.
Harry: You’d rather be in a passionless marriage –
Sally: – and be the First Lady of Czechoslovakia –
Harry: – than live with the man… you’ve had the greatest sex of your life with, just because he owns a bar and that is all he does.
Sally: Yes, and so would any woman in her right mind. Women are very practical. Even Ingrid Bergman, which is why she gets on the plane at the end of the movie.

This is the other thing, boys talk about passion all the time, about how much they want it, but then they go off with the safe girls!? WTF? I don’t get it.
They talk of wanting strong independent women, then they shack up with chicks who suffocate their lives, while the rest of us live life in the single zone… *cue music* dodedodo dodedodo

The Misconstruction of Amber G…

The last ten years of my life have been the steepest learning curve I have ever ridden.

The last year the steepest of the lot.  I feel like I’ve been trudging up the steepest hill while dragging a big block of lead behind me.  It’s been a long and hard road.  I’ve learnt some of the most tremendous things about myself over the last year though, and its led to some amazing New Years Resolutions (read the next blog to see them).

I love my family tremendously, they mean the world to me, even if they do drive me a little batty at times.  I’m so sick of hurting them, but I also have to come to terms with the fact that they are not always going to love the decisions I make.
My family ARE my press, they are the ones in my ears asking all the questions when I decide I want to do something.  I used to get really frustrated, because I couldn’t answer their questions, which led to doubt, which inevitably lead to me not following through with ANYTHING I’ve ever wanted to, because I’ve been too scared.  Learning to transcend the anxiety, sit with it, and traverse to the next level is what I’ll be working on throughout the year, oh, and answer their questions, and not get angry when they bug me. Oh and to pick up on sarcasm, cause I’ve been in too dark a headspace to get it sometimes.

My friends, ahh my beautiful friends. They’ve comforted me when I’ve needed it.  Thank you for being there when I have to yell, cry, and most importantly laugh.  I really appreciate you guys being there for me.  It’s been a long and arduous year, and next year will be much saner for all of us I think!

The men who have traversed through my life in the last year.
The EUM at the start of the year. You were an eye opener. Apparently I am pretty, thanks, you helped with my ego, then crushed it into a million tiny pieces when you told me I needed self-respect.  Which is partially true, but you also sir need to respect the people you are in any kind of relationship with.  Just because your shagging someone does not mean they do not deserve your respect.  You sir are not a very nice human being.  Oh and as a side, you need to practise what you preach, you did some of the exact same things you told me I shouldn’t be doing.
The latest schwing fling, you made me realise that I’m actually pretty enough to get them men I want.  Which is not something I thought possible.  But baggage from the aforementioned idiot (and needing an escape from the whirlwind of hell going on around me) meant I did stupid things and scared you away.  I live with no regrets, but I have learnt my lesson, and if there is anything I’m really good at its change.  I see exactly what I did wrong, and I suppose if you never come back, I’ll at least not make the same mistakes again.  I miss you though…

Work… God I’ve screwed up a few things, but again, with perspective and a verve for change on 2011, I will be a new woman.

Here’s to new beginnings lovely people.

Lots of love and the happiest of New Years cheer.

Amber G

The Groupie Phenomenon (and other things that shit me)…

After reading Tony Martins latest blog, and the things that have been going on in my life over the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the groupie phenomenon again…
Why would a gal be with the most butt ugly guy ever? I asked myself that question everytime I would see the little weedy guy who was once in “Taxiride”(yeah remember them?), drag yet another girl into the toilet at a gig…

I’m genuinely a very shy person, it takes me a lot to trust… So I get frustrated at what I see as my cowardice, and drink to overcome it and the inevitable hi-jinx ensue…

This on plenty of occasions has caused me to be misconstrued, seen as a slut, or a groupie… I’m not down with any of it, especially after I’d heard somone saying I was only friends with a few of my friends to get closer to a band I loved… To that I still say fuck you, as I do things at my own pace, and if it takes time for people to see the real me, at least I know they are worth it. They stuck it out, and now they get me. In regards to the bands, actors and comedians, again, I’ll talk to them when we have something to talk about… Not just cause I want to get in their faces and say hi… Not my style…

I don’t sleep with people because of their status, or who they know. I’m
Extremely picky with the boys I like, I like brains over anything else.
There’s something about a smart man that entrances me….and blue eyes for that matter. Verbal, linguistic, men, those who know how to speak, colloquially, and precisely… And most of all, those who are as intense as I…

Notes on the one that got away…

Where are all the good men dead? In the Heart or in the Head?

Yes, I’m quoting Grosse Pointe Blank…

My answer? Neither…

I’ve been mused by one Miss Courteney Hocking and her article on The Age website today…
Actually I’ve been mused by her, and quite a few other people who seem to be weighing in on the debate into women’s sexuality of late, and I’m finding that people are forgetting one really important thing… What about the good guys?

If there is something I’ve learnt in the last 6 months, it’s that while a large proportion of the male population are and can be misogynistic idiots, that we have completely over looked the other amazing part of the male population.  Who might also like sex, but bless them, aren’t willing to be chauvinist pigs to get it.
They would never put you in a position that you would be uncomfortable with, they would never do anything to purposely hurt you, and most of all, know what the word no means.

To these men I say Thank You.  For making us feel safe, protected, and helping us realise we can be in control of our own sexual desires and destiny.  Thank you for  understanding what the word no means.  Thank you for not making us feel like objects for your desires, but as human beings with our own.  Thank you for not making us feel like whores, because *shock horror* we like (and in some cases LOVE) sex.  Thank you for making us not feel dirty because we like to get our rocks off and have healthy sex lives without fuss.  Most of all, Thank you for giving us the chance to open up and explore parts of our egos we are not usually in tune with.