New Years Resolutions…

This is the first real year I’ve had any NYE resolutions…
I’ve said I wanted to do things, but never gone through with them because of self doubt, that’s going to be my first big AMBER SMASH for this year.

My first resolution is that I will transcend all doubts about who I am, I will accept who I am, and I will go forward with those things I’ve been wanting to do for the last 10 years but held back.
I resolve to be in New York for New Years 2011/2012.
I resolve to get the rights to translate Vladimir Nabokov’s “Invitation to a Beheading” into a play, and also resolve to put said play on.  It is the most amazing story of isolation, doubt, depression, anxiety, and the transcendence through to acceptance.  It’s a thing of beauty.
I resolve to get up on stage and have confidence, and hopefully make people laugh.  Even if I don’t make them laugh, I resolve to find my comfortable spot on stage.
I resolve to treat my family and friends better, even when they are driving me bonkers.
I resolve to leave the boy alone, as it’s just driving him further away when I want him closer.
I resolve to move back to the inner-city this year.
I resolve to work in something other than just Admin, I want a change.
I resolve to have some of my writing published somewhere other than this blog.
I resolve to get the hypothetical bandwagon running again, I want this on stage ASAP.
I resolve to put on my solo show at fringe.
I resolve to make major in-roads into my study, as I’m not going to become an international lawyer by sitting on my arse. 🙂

The Misconstruction of Amber G…

The last ten years of my life have been the steepest learning curve I have ever ridden.

The last year the steepest of the lot.  I feel like I’ve been trudging up the steepest hill while dragging a big block of lead behind me.  It’s been a long and hard road.  I’ve learnt some of the most tremendous things about myself over the last year though, and its led to some amazing New Years Resolutions (read the next blog to see them).

I love my family tremendously, they mean the world to me, even if they do drive me a little batty at times.  I’m so sick of hurting them, but I also have to come to terms with the fact that they are not always going to love the decisions I make.
My family ARE my press, they are the ones in my ears asking all the questions when I decide I want to do something.  I used to get really frustrated, because I couldn’t answer their questions, which led to doubt, which inevitably lead to me not following through with ANYTHING I’ve ever wanted to, because I’ve been too scared.  Learning to transcend the anxiety, sit with it, and traverse to the next level is what I’ll be working on throughout the year, oh, and answer their questions, and not get angry when they bug me. Oh and to pick up on sarcasm, cause I’ve been in too dark a headspace to get it sometimes.

My friends, ahh my beautiful friends. They’ve comforted me when I’ve needed it.  Thank you for being there when I have to yell, cry, and most importantly laugh.  I really appreciate you guys being there for me.  It’s been a long and arduous year, and next year will be much saner for all of us I think!

The men who have traversed through my life in the last year.
The EUM at the start of the year. You were an eye opener. Apparently I am pretty, thanks, you helped with my ego, then crushed it into a million tiny pieces when you told me I needed self-respect.  Which is partially true, but you also sir need to respect the people you are in any kind of relationship with.  Just because your shagging someone does not mean they do not deserve your respect.  You sir are not a very nice human being.  Oh and as a side, you need to practise what you preach, you did some of the exact same things you told me I shouldn’t be doing.
The latest schwing fling, you made me realise that I’m actually pretty enough to get them men I want.  Which is not something I thought possible.  But baggage from the aforementioned idiot (and needing an escape from the whirlwind of hell going on around me) meant I did stupid things and scared you away.  I live with no regrets, but I have learnt my lesson, and if there is anything I’m really good at its change.  I see exactly what I did wrong, and I suppose if you never come back, I’ll at least not make the same mistakes again.  I miss you though…

Work… God I’ve screwed up a few things, but again, with perspective and a verve for change on 2011, I will be a new woman.

Here’s to new beginnings lovely people.

Lots of love and the happiest of New Years cheer.

Amber G

Continuity…

Dear Film/TV directors, producers etc…,

If you’re going to film in my hometown (or anywhere I know the streets like the back of my hand for that matter) please ensure you check your continuity before putting said TV show to air or releasing said film…

I know I’m probably being finicky, but it really bugs me when I’m watching something like “Offspring” and a character walks out of the Freemason’s in East Melbourne then is on Brunswick street about 2 minutes later (trust me I know, I’ve done the walk from Gipps St to Brunswick St plenty of times.  It isn’t a 2 minute walk). Oh and please don’t refer to the flower shop on Brunswick St as the flower shop on Alexandra Pde.  Two completely different streets…

Or the worst offender ever The Big Steal (and this is big coming from me, as this is one of my all time fav Aussie movies), when Steve Bisley’s character Gordon Farkas is being followed by the Police after a big night on the turps, he turns off the Top end of Swanston Street (near Flinders St Station), to mysteriously park on Cavell St in St Kilda.  That kinda stuff really annoys me!

Please be true to this beautiful city of mine, as every square inch of her needs to be respected.

Kind Regards

Amber G

P.S. As a side note please have passion, please have a look at my blog After the deluge… for my definition of passion.